Chibi Fantasy
by StarlightPrince
Summary: Cloud and the Gang have been magically transported into CHibi world. Now they must face the evil that is Disneyworld in this Outrageous spoof of FFVII


Chapter I: A blow to the forces of Evil  
  
The landscape of Disneyworld comes into view. We see a young chibi woman kneeling before a makeshift alter in front of the main street. She walks out onto main street and we see her start selling weed. She is gorgeous with flowing brown hair and green lustrous eyes. She inhaled her hemp deeply and stared at the fireworks over the castle. She just uttered "Dude…"  
  
Just below the fireworks a team of highly skilled special operatives known as Landslide appeared from the bushes. A black chibi man drives his helluva fast van—sorry wrong script— a black chibi man lifts his cybernetic arm and takes aim at two security guards. A flash of gunfire and the guards drop lifelessly.   
  
"Lets move" he growled to his companions. From the bushes ran a brunette chibi with unproportionally large breasts and a blonde chibi mercenary carrying a 12ft blade. Cautiously they entered the castle.   
  
"Where's my money, Barrett?" the blonde mercenary asked a cold stare fixed upon his face.   
  
"Damn it Cloud! Don't you give a shit bout nothing else but yo money. Sucka we doin' this for the planet, man, for our children. Without us Disney will kill the planet along wit all of us including yo honky ass!" The black Chibi cursed at him.  
  
"Wow you're so full of crap…I knew you weren't good for it." Cloud retorted.  
  
"Yo want a piece of this, cracka!" Barrett shouted raising his fist.  
  
"Anytime, Hand Solo!" Cloud said raising his blade.  
  
"Quit it guys! We have to plant the bomb before we are—   
  
Tifa was interrupted as several armed guards surrounded them.  
  
Cloud and Barrett stopped arguing took there battle stances.  
  
"You mofos better start wishing on a star cause I'm gonna send yo evil asses to the Magic Kingdom." Barrett taunted his foes.  
  
Just as he finished speaking a breeze cut across his face and the glint of steel caught his eyes. The guards dropped. Behind them stood Cloud his enormous sword dripping fresh blood.   
  
"Shoot the baddies not your mouth," Cloud said with a smirk, "I can hear your half-baked bologna anytime. Lets move."  
  
The trio moved onward until the reached the basement of the castle. Tifa stood at the doorway watching for more guards as Barrett and Cloud descended into the blackness of the cellar. Cloud attached the bomb to the far wall and set the timer. His mind filled with a flash back: he had been here before. As he returned to reality red lights and alarms filled the room. Mickey's voice came over the intercom. "Oh boy..heherh…it looks like we have some naughty people here. We can't have naughty people at the happiest place on earth can we?"  
  
"Yo sick hypocritical bastard. Yo are killing us all. I lost my family and my arm when one o yo rides crashed. Yo suckas are like this punk here: only in it for da money. It all ends here for yo sucka. 'Sides sound like you got kicked in the bean anyway," Barrett called to the voice.  
  
Mickey just laughed and five little singing dolls appeared out of the darkness.  
  
Barrett chuckled.   
  
"Whatca gonna do sing us to def" He said arrogantly.   
  
The little creatures stopped singing and moved toward each other. They all started collapsing and merging with each other.  
  
"That can't be good," Cloud said drawing his sword.  
  
Soon a giant robotic spider stood before our heroes. A metallic roar escaped it and twin gun barrels sprang from the sides.  
  
"Okay Cloud, yo can lose the sword and pull out the shotgun I gave yo earlier," Barrett told him.   
  
"Um.. I left that at home. My sword technique is unmatched. All I need is Excelsior here and my skills shall fell our foe."  
  
"Boy yo da dumbest cracka I ever met. How the hell you suppose to fight when you ain't packin' heat?"   
  
"With Materia, of course," Cloud said readying for a lighting spell.  
  
"You one of them wiccan foos too. You one weird sucka, Cloud,"  
  
The spider discharged its guns at the duo. Cloud and Barrett dodged the hail of lead. Suddenly, a stray shot hit Barrett in the chest.  
  
"I been capped!" he shouted as blood dribbled from his chest.  
  
"You have 2 minutes left before your bomb explodes. Looks like I just took out your little bitch ass. Maybe when you're dead I'll use your fakeass gunarm for a paperweight." The metallic spider told Barrett.   
  
A look of extreme anger took over Barrett's face. He got to his feet and pointed his gunarm at the spider.  
  
"What! You don't talk to me like that! I pity the foo mess with the gunarm mutha @#$%!" Barrett growled at the spider.   
  
A red bar appeared over his head with the words "Onslaught" printed in white on it.   
  
"Count the shells Mutha @#$!" Barrett yelled as he dumped a huge amount of ammunition into the spider.  
  
The bullets tore through the creature and it collapsed into a heap of sparking junk metal.  
  
"Great Bahamut! Why didn't you do that in the first place?" Cloud said lowing his sword.  
  
"I couldn't… can only do that when I'm supa pissed," Barrett explained, "No time for the jibba jabba we gotta get outta here for da bomb explodes!"   
  
Cloud and Barrett dashed up the stairs and grabbed Tifa. The trio ran through the castle and raced out the door. A fiery explosion engulfed the castle and the centerpiece of Disneyworld stood in ruins.  
  
"See if clapping you hands brings that back, bitch!" Barrett chuckled looking at his work.  
  
Disney guards appeared from Tomorrow land and Frontier land.  
  
"Looks like its time to go, Barrett" Tifa warned him as the guards ran toward them.  
  
The trio raced down main street towards the exit. As they ran cloud tripped over a young lady lying in the street.   
  
"Ouch!" he said getting back to his feet.  
  
"I'm sorry are you okay?" the woman asked sweetly.  
  
Cloud looked into her eyes. They were the most beautiful green he had ever seen.  
  
"Wow are you an Ex-SOLDIER like me. It seems that you have the strangest eyes. Like they are mako infused." Cloud asked.  
  
"Ahem…Yeah that's it mako infused…heh," She said nervously.  
  
"Would you like to buy some weed? 5 gil per nickel bag," She asked.  
  
"Sure," Cloud said handing her the money.   
  
He grabbed his nickel bag and ran after his cohorts. Together they caught the bus to Orlando and soon would be at the House of the Rising Moon, Tifa's exotic dance bar. All Cloud could think about was that strange girl he met in the street. He wondered if he would ever see her again.  
  
  
  
Chapter II A Materia Girl  
  
Back at the bar, Tifa sung her latest strip-rock hit, Materia Girl. The lights dimmed to a cool dusk and the pink spot lights danced over the stage. Music filled the room as Tifa pranced out onto the stage. Her sandal stilettos clicked with the beat of the rhythm and her body garbed in a tight pink bikini, a lace shirt and tight leather shorts swayed in time with the piano. Tifa wrapped her arm around the dance pole and grabbed the microphone. From her ruby painted lips she began to sing:  
  
(Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me  
  
I think they're O.K.  
  
If they don't give me those little orbs  
  
I just walk away(  
  
She paused and rubbed her body with her hands in an insinuating way.  
  
(They can beg and they can plead  
  
But they can't see the light, that's right  
  
'Cause the boy with the Magic  
  
Is always Mister Right, 'cause we are  
  
Living in a materia world  
  
And I am a materia girl  
  
You know that we are living in a materia world  
  
And I am a materia girl(  
  
Tifa winked at the audience and slowly removed her shirt. She then strutted back to the pole and whirled around it.   
  
(Some boys romance, some boys slow dance  
  
That's all right with me  
  
If they can't increase my MP then I  
  
Have to let them be(  
  
She then tossed her shirt into the crowd and shook her chest while strutting backward. Cat cries filled the room. The shirt landed on Cloud's face and the man next to him passed out.  
  
(Some boys try and some boys lie but  
  
I don't let them play  
  
Only boys that summon monsters  
  
Make my rainy day, 'cause they are  
  
Living in a materia world  
  
And I am a materia girl  
  
You know that we are living in a materia world  
  
And I am a materia girl  
  
Tifa then sways forward, and continues dancing smutty   
  
Living in a materia world [materia]  
  
Living in a materia world(  
  
(Boys may come and boys may go  
  
And that's all right you see  
  
Experience has gained me levels   
  
And now they're after me, 'cause everybody's(  
  
She turned her back to the crowd, bent over and looking over her shoulder continued  
  
(Living in a materia world  
  
And I am a materia girl  
  
You know that we are living in a materia world  
  
And I am a materia girl(  
  
she stood upright and finished with a strong burst:  
  
(A materia, a materia, a materia, a materia world.(  
  
She took a bow and the thunder of whistles and applause filled the bar.  
  
"Wow she is such a slut," Cloud commented to Barrett, "Is she seeing anyone right now?" 


End file.
